Actually that joke is a lot more fun, because it did happen to me today.
So, I played two games today with my Cryx against the forces of Protectorate. Because the first game ended, uh, rather soon because of my, well, a slight lack in tactical acumen, we decided to play with same scenario, same lists and same sides.
So, my list in both games was (35 pointer):
- 2x Helldivers
Minimum unit of Soulhunters
Minimum unit of Mechanithralls + Brute Thrall
And opponent had:
High Exemplar Kreoss
- Avatar of Menoth
Maximum unit of Exemplar Bastions
Maximum Choir of Menoth
Minimum unit of Temple Flameguard + Unit Attachment
Opponent was still waiting for the metal infantry to come from mail order, so the occasional bile thralls and stitch thralls are Temple Flameguards and Choir of Menoth.
So, the scenario was Process of Elimination. Strips of paper are marking the zones on the board.
And, ahem. Well, I did win the starting roll.
I ran everything forward, including Deneghra. Opponent struggled to get stuff to control zones so Deneghra wouldn't just be able to move forward, use her feat and win the game.
Well, next was my turn again and I tried to be really clever and run an arc node forward and remove protectorates jack support in one fell swoop with Hellmouth. Which happened to come out as double 1's.
Rest of the focus I spend on a Venom, that did as little as the Hellmouth.
And then I realised that yeah, Deneghra was sitting there, yelling "Heeeey! Look at me! No Stealth! Not camping any focus! I'm not even incorporeal! Cool, huh?!" to opposing Revenger.
So, Revenger ran forward and then Kreoss activated. Moved forward, used his feat and arced three Immolations on Deneghra. Who died in shame. Let's just forget about this sorry affair and move to the next game...
Second game opponent won the starting roll.
Picture is taken from the end of opponents second turn.
Avatar had trampled forward and started ogling my troops with that special ability of his.
So, scoring points would start on my following turn.
I needed only to kill Avatar, all the Temple Flameguards, Crusader and perhaps a couple of contesting bastions during within 2 turns if I used my feat and caught everyone under...
That was a little bit of a stretch.
But still I did use Deneghra's feat.
First Nightwretch advanced and tried to take a potshot against Avatar, doing one or two points of damage. Then it was Deneghra's turn, who advanced (should have turned her incorporeal, but forgot) used feat and cast Hellmouth on temple flameguard marked with red (so, it's a targetting mark, I'm not censoring anything on that model...)
I was confident enough that nothing could really harm Nightmare during Deneghra's Web of Shadows, so it charged the Revenger that had been pulled a little bit closer via Hellmouth.
It had been allocated 2 focus because I didn't think it would be able to use all three because of Revenger's repelling shield.
Combo-strike dealt something like 14 points of damage. But that was about everything I could do with Deneghra's game winning feat. Mostly positioning.
Yet, I didn't get Kreoss himself nor all of the Choir under the feat.
Kreoss moved and used his own feat to mitigate my achievements. I guess both feats were "wasted" in attempt to be pre-emptive. If you can call that "wasting a feat" in situations like these.
However, opponents turn was fast. Then it was my turn again and it was fast enough too as I could do anything useful with only my warjacks. Luckily I had Helldivers, who had been unaffected by Kreoss' feat.
Anyway, Nightmare shook off the knocked down and moved to combo-strike Avatar, who was also it's prey target.
Damage rolls were rather poor, but still took Avatar's shield and movement off. Yet, the big scary sword was still intact...
One of the Helldivers charged the already damaged Revenger, knocking the shield and arc node off.
Darragh Wrathe did the best thing he managed to do during whole match. Stood up, cast Beyond Death and used light cavalry movement to get as much mileage out of his spell as possible.
Then it was opponents next turn.
Avatar single-handedly (heh, get it? It had lost its other arm system! ... Yeah, I'm crying here. Mostly at my lame puns) destroyed Nightmare.
Revenger and Crusader wrecked the one brave Helldiver who jumped and bit the toe of revenger. Luckily the other helldiver who was engaging avatar remained nearly unharmed.
Things didn't look all that good for me then. Sure I had severely damaged opposing warjacks, but I had lost my Nightmare in that process and there was still an undamaged Crusader stomping about.
I did manage to destroy the Avatar with a charge from Mechanithralls and if I remember right I destroyed what was left of Revenger with a damage boost from Hellmouth's damage roll (that was targeted at Crusader).
Oh, and a mention that has to be made: I used Seduction a second time during my games with Cryx. Warwitch Siren seduced the closest exemplar bastion who heard that a nearby temple flameguard had been cheating him with the Siren.
Another mention that has to be made isn't all that awesome, though. Once Darragh Wrathe got into the thick of action, he missed all his attacks, not getting either Death Ride nor Beyond Death off via Battle Wizard.
Well, come opponents turn.
Half of the mechanithralls were swept away, Darragh's horsie was devastated, and Crusader swatted Warwitch Siren into smithereens.
Kreoss himself killed one of the Soulhunters who had wandered too close.
Yet, neither player had scored any points from control zones. But I was running out of troops, really.
However, Helldiver got a suprise attack against Kreoss. It was also just under Deneghra's control range, so it was given three focus.
First attack hit with full boosts, and last attack without any boosts luckily hit too and left Kreoss with 3 hit points.
Defiler then took an aimed spray attack at a temple flameguard close to Kreoss. The spray hit and killed Kreoss. Phew.
Dice were with me on that final attempt to actually win the game. I would've had 4 focus on Deneghra for a fully boosted Venom, which was a good asset, but I could only "trust" to get off the first attack with Helldiver and the Venom, which made killing an arm 16 model with 18 damage boxes a game of... a game of dice.
Anyway, good games.
Except the first game. But it will keep me humble for some time now.